Have you ever been having a normal conversation with someone and suddenly your emotions are activated way out of proportion to the actual conversation? The other person might be totally unaware of the impact of what they have just said and are majorly confused with your response. Whatever was said just triggered your emotions. Emotional triggers tell you about areas of your life that you are uncomfortable with. They are a reminder of a past experience or a deep hurt through which a current situation is filtered. This activates your body to go into red alert (remembering the past) and respond at a subconscious level to a perceived threatening circumstance. Whilst the current situation may not be exactly as your mind sees it, what is real are the feelings and emotions that you immediately experience. What unnerved you may not be directly apparent. Therefore, it is important to take time to understand what is going on in your system, take time to attend to your feelings and manage your emotions rather than being controlled by them. This will allow you to identify something in your life that you are not happy with .

1. The first step is to acknowledge how you are feeling and to name the emotion.

Example: I feel angry

2. Next step is to understand what it was in the conversation or situation that brought up this emotion.

Example: My partner doesn’t agree with me talking to his sister about asking me to babysit their child unexpectedly just because I happen to be in the house most days working from home.

3. Then translate this situation into a deeper message of what you think is being said to ‘you’.

Example: Because my partner doesn’t want me to talk to his sister, what I do with my own time is not considered to be important. I am not important enough to be listened to. Then you get to the ‘crux’ of what you are telling yourself! ‘I am not important’.

4. The next crucial step (using the same example) is to tell yourself ‘I am important’, repeatedly and add to this with supporting sentences beginning with ‘I am’……………. in order to change your inner beliefs.

Pin pointing stories in your head such as this one will help you to identify inner beliefs that are deep rooted at a subconscious level since childhood. This in turn helps you to understand and acknowledge your emotions. Once named, you can then go on to manage your feelings with loving care. By working on your inner belief system you can nurture and protect yourself to feel free and unstressed and build healthy and happy relationships in life.